The Decline of the Written Blog

My cat, after an hour's work on his memoirs.

    Information is no longer all it's cracked up to be. At least, not in the standard way, anymore. Since the invention of the everything, man has had one mode of thought: Can we fuck it? If we can't fuck it, can we eat it? If we can't fuck it or eat it, can we destroy it (possibly in the most spectacular way we are capable of imagining)? If we can't fuck it, eat it, or destroy it, then look a bunny! We can do all those things to it, possibly in one single effort! And unfortunately, that applies to the title of this subject.

    In many ways, we are a starved people. Whether it's fitness, social interaction, information, or sexual concourse with a 23 year old Vietnamese prostitute named Sara Miao, we strive for something that we feel we lack. And unfortunately, we lack that one thing that constitutes survival in many standings: control. I know it's an odd word to bring up, but it's very important. For the one thing that constitutes boredom, indiscretion, and many sites online dedicated to the most inane and outrageously stupid, is the one thing that would prevent all those things from happening. If it wasn't for a lack of control, we wouldn't have videos of people using a flamethrower to spot-weld a baby stroller inside their living rooms. We wouldn't have people thinking they know better than everyone else, making them the equivalent of the second coming of Jesus with a $20 webcam. We wouldn't have the most nonsensical and soul deadening literature known as fan fiction (at least, not as prominently). AND LOTS AND LOTS OF ANTHROPOMORPHIC PORN drawn by people who put their actual names on their "artwork", wholly suspecting that they'll be the next Penny Arcade.

Take comfort in the fact that more and more men see this when they close their eyes for the five knuckle shuffle...

    But believe it or not, I'm not demeaning the fact that there are a majority in the world with the complete and utter lack of the notion "Should I REALLY be doing this, what with both people I know and work with, and complete strangers I'll possibly never get to know, having access to this night and day?" Instead, I'm talking about the one thing many people don't usually say anymore: "Gosh, did you read this blog this one kid in Roanoke wrote about Sarah Palin felching Michelle Bachmann after a GOP party involving a Rhino and a Sperm Whale?" I can guarantee a great many of you just tried to picture that, or if not picture it, just Googled the words "felching", "sperm whale", "Roanoke", and maybe even "read".

    But it's all for not. If anything would have come up for the GOP Felch-stravaganza, it would most likely appear on one place: Youtube. The battle of creativity has always had a back and forth battlefield when it came to technology. Written script gave way to the printing press. Printing press has given way to film. Film called Radio a pansy, and stole it's girlfriend on Prom night. Film has basically subsumed TV. And the Internet went Urotsukidoji on film, TV, radio, AND the printed media. How I came up with that whole "Internet = Tentacle Porn" analogy, I'll never know.

I need an adult. Preferably without tentacle penises...

    In this battle for entertainment supremacy, there's always going to be an Alpha and an Omega. It's clear that the Alpha and Omega are the video format (Youtube, Daily Motion, Blip, Redtube) claiming Alpha, and the written format being Omega. And unfortunately for many wordsmiths in the making out there, it just might be for the best. The technical skill in creating long, thought out ideas takes a lot more effort than just lighting someone's crotch on fire, and then proceeding to hit them in the crotch with the Carburetor of a 1971 Dodge 4 Ton pickup truck.

Not seen: Tommy Wilkinson's balls, 2008

    But for all the "Starter/engine switch" jokes in the world, there's a simple comfort to be found in the decline of the written format. For every 14 videos of someone getting hurt, or funny animal video, or hilarious attempt to change the world by telling people they are wrong for liking Cherry Pie by Warrant, there is a demand for constructive criticism, wanted adaptation of thoughts and ideas, and fat guys telling you what's what. Not that I would know anything about the latter. I am, after all, a Bolivian Model with 4 PhD.'s in Neuroscience, Chemical Engineering, Mathematics, and Sweet, Sweet Lovemaking.

Pictured here: Bolivian Super Genius/Model.

    In the end, it comes down to one simple thing: Do people want to be told a subject they should already know, or should they be given a choice about how they want to be told? In the end, either way is fine. It's not our fault more and more people choose to be shown something rather than do the groundwork themselves. It's convenience. It's the readily available material that we'll all go for, time and time again. And frankly, when someone writes something, they tend to take themselves WAY TOO SERIOUSLY when it comes to expressing themselves. Either matter of factly, or just thinking that making something in a comedic tone automatically makes it funny, if you don't know how to do it, then you're either cause the reader harm, or serve as an example of unintentional comedic genius. So, in this age where words mean less than Lady Gaga's sense of self worth, take respite in the knowledge that the written format is not as strong as it once was. The words will never vanish, so you have time to craft your thoughts. There's absolutely no need to rush anything. If you feel you want to record something, just make sure that it's not the same thing you saw posted last week. If it is, make sure I get some credit.

    After all, how many people can say they were inspired by a Bolivian Male Model/Super Genius/Modern day Casanova?