Zombieland

How cool are zombies? No matter how you represent them (fast, slow, smart, dumb as an alfalfa sprout), the concept is always terrifying and intriguing: the Dead are back, and are hungry for more. No matter how far you run, or where you hide, you cannot out run death itself. You can persevere, but never outlast.


The plot is a really simple one: Zombies are made by Mad Cow Disease that stems from tainted meat. As Columbus, our narrator/intrepid chronicler/20-something virgin, puts it: "It went from Mad Cow Disease, to Mad Human Disease, to Mad Zombie Disease." They want to eat, they will eat." And as we humans know, when you want something, you tear it apart. And when you do that on something living? There is usually a lot of screaming, a lot of blood, a lot of body chunks being ripped out, and for the rare few, some moaning that isn't coming from the zombies. It's a very disturbing concept, indeed, my friends.


Drop into this scenario the most self-repressed and socially awkward person you have ever met with Irritable Bowl Syndrome. His name is Columbus, played by Jesse Eisenberg. You first meet him pumping his gas at an abandoned station in the middle of the night, where (in narration) he proceeds to explain the origin of the virus, and by default, his rules of survival. His rules are very basic, but it's a very extensive.

Rule #01: Cardio. Nothing saves lives like running away from whatever is trying to kill you. So be ready to do a lot of running.

Rule#02: Double Tap. If you're not sure something is ACTUALLY dead, put another shot into their head. That way you know their dead, and that way, they won't know you're there because their brains are all over the ground.

Rule #03: Don't Trust Bathrooms. You know the shit that goes down in there. Add zombies, and you got the biggest clusterfuck of your very-soon-to-end lifespan.


And those are just the first 3 of 32+ rules he reveals he has over the course of the movie. for a character to follow that many rules (and proceed to add more as the movie goes on), it's like me saying I'm fat, so I should know where all the Twinkies are in the film. It's very obvious something else is going on.
After escaping on foot from the town he was in, he comes across a man driving an Escalade with the number 3 in white on the driver door. When the vehicle stops, we meet our eponymous badass, Tallahassee, played by Woody Harrelson. They join up, and proceed on their way to their respective goals: Columbus heading home to Ohio, Tallahassee to find a Twinky. Yeah, you heard that right. A Twinky. And right there is the common quest for both characters. To know that the world is still alright, even though they now live in this hellhole called Zombieland.


After setting the tone for the movie, they stop at a grocery store to search for supplies (and Twinkies), and dispatch a few zombies. Here's the scene proving just how badass Tallahassee is, he goes in without a gun, opting for a bat, a banjo, and hedgeclippers. And never for a moment is he not calm or having fun. As Columbus says, "He sets the standard for 'Not to be fucked with'."

It is in this store that we meet the rest of the main cast: Wichita, played by Emma Stone, and her sister Little Rock, played by Abigail Breslin. Simply put, they're con artists who trick our intrepid heroes. Not once, not twice, but THRICE. That's right, THREE TIMES. But the first two times happen within the first 10 minutes of each other. It's a double bump of "Player? Play on!" After the second hijack, they decide to do themselves a favor, and ride together at least part of the way between all their respective destinations. But Columbus, after realizing that he wants to stay with Wichita because he's fallen in love with her, chooses to remain with her, Tallahassee, and Little Rock. And so, the main chunk of the movie actually begins.

The cast was charming in all their roles. Harrelson had an energy I have not seen him with since Natural Born Killers. He's energetic, commands the audiences' attention every time he speaks, and is generally the most Alive character I have seen in years. Eisenberg, on the other hand, is very subdued. It's obvious the wanted Michael Cera for the movie, but sometimes being the "Other Guy" doesn't hurt you GQ rating, does it? His character progresses, but only in baby steps until the very end. It's a lot like putting a Golden Retriever with a very excitable, skittish Terrier. Enough time together, and they eventually balance each other out, but there's going to be a lot of barking, and someone eventually pisses on the carpet. Eisenberg's character was fleshed out from the get-go, but it's Tallahassee that has the most pull, because when his back-story is revealed, it's as tragic a reason to charge into a swarm of zombies as you can get.

Emma Stone is convincing as someone with a lot of trust issues surviving in a world where you can't trust anybody. She reminded me a bit too much of Lindsay Lohan, but given her history of overshadowing other "noted comedians" in her films, it's very forgivable. If there was one weak link in the entire cast, it has to be Abigail Breslin. She was competent in my opinion, but I half expected Steve Carell or Alan Arkin to pop up and take out some zombies with her.

This was a first time film for both the writers and the director. Before this film, Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick mainly worked on TV shows and Direct-to-DVD productions, the biggest being Tarzan II. The director, Ruben Fleischer, worked on the Jimmy Kimmel show before getting the opportunity to make Zombieland. If I had known about that before seeing the movie, I would have been more impressed. But I was surprisingly upset with how much the director ignored using more of the sets and backgrounds. There were a lot of opportunities for setups and moments for jump scares sprinkled all over the film. Also, in some moments it's obvious that this was the director's first major motion picture. Mainly the second time the girls hijack the guys, inside the Biggest Actor in the World's House (Sorry guys, not revealing his name, in fear of getting sued and future posts getting Space Jam'd in the legal system), and at the climax at Playland.

The soundtrack was surprisingly varying. From the opener and the Star Spangled Banner to the credits and Metallica's For Whom the Bell Tolls to Hank Williams' I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry, there wasn't a selection that didn't fit the overall theme of the scene that they played in. The ending with Salute Your Solution by the Raconteurs was abrupt, but really helped pull you into the fact that the movie was over. And given the fact that the movie is relatively short, it helps pull you out of the shock that the movie isn't continuously running on and on and on and on...

If you were expecting me to reveal the rest of a movie that's still in theaters, you are sorely mistaken. I won't do that to you guys. This one has to be seen to be believed, and I definitely believe it needs to be seen. It is arguably the funniest movie of the year.

So, Nut up or Shut up, and do yourselves a favor, people. This one's actually worth it for once.